I’m great with directions. Give me step-by-step instructions. Show me a map. Tell me the address. I got it.

I just went back to Chiang Mai Thailand for a few weeks and I remembered how to get places from when I was there 3 years ago.

Directions are my jam!

However, I’ve recently lost my direction. I’ve veered off the path. I haven’t been seeking the Father the way He longs for me to seek Him. 

Tonight I hit the bottom. I got to a place where I couldn’t keep it together anymore. I had just gotten home from watching a movie with friends, but I felt so alone. I walked into an empty house when I was expecting my roommates to be home. I was literally alone. And quite honestly, it’s been a long time since I felt this alone. I haven’t felt loved, valued, or wanted since I’ve been back in the States.  

In a sea of community I feel like I’m going at things all by myself.

One of the main reasons of me working at Adventures was for the community I knew I was going to have. Well, let me tell you, community is hard and you have to fight for it. Relationships don’t just happen because you’re always around the same people. You have to be intentional.

When I was in Thailand a few weeks ago, the Lord spoke these things to me: seek and surrender. I’ve sucked at doing these things. I only sought when I deemed necessary and only surrendered when it was convenient. A relationship with the Lord is what you have to be the most intentional with in life.

When you don’t seek and surrender you hit the bottom and that’s when you realize that you need to seek and surrender at all times.

So that’s where I am. I’m seeking because I long for a relationship with Him. I'm surrendering everything I am because He is my Father. I’ve lost my direction with Him, but He is sovereign and gives me map back to Him.